Quick update

I’m working on a longer post about our recent travels. Before that’s done, though, I wanted to post a quick update on what’s been happening with mom’s brain.

For starters, and maybe most profoundly, I am now responding to my sister’s name.

I never thought that would happen. She’s only actually called me by my sister’s name a couple of times but I know there have been a lot of times when she’s thought I was her. I don’t like it. My sister, who lives 1,300 miles away, gets all the credit for having taken care of mom. Then again, she gets the blame, too. So I guess that’s a bonus. Still, I’m the one that gave up her life to take care of her and here she is thinking it’s her prodigal daughter returned to meet her every need. Ha! I don’t blame my sister for not being here. She has a life and I don’t expect her to put all that on hold to do something I’m certain she does not want to do. Still, why does she get the credit for both being the responsible one and the caring one? It seems unfair.

I’ve learned that the relatives who have been here all this time (in mom’s delusions) are her cousins. I can’t think of who those cousins might be. My mind has drawn a blank when going back through the family tree. Mom had a bunch of cousins I’m sure, because her mother had six siblings, but I can only think of two male cousins, and they are not the ones inhabiting our house when I’m not aware of their presence. I also know she’s confused them with me. As in, one of the cousins told her the other day that she’d be outside working in the yard for a bit. That was me.

I finally captured some video the other day of her in a confused state. I finally have some evidence to share with the neurologist. I’ll try to get a bit more, then schedule an appointment for an evaluation.

Mom has been very confused of late. No doubt it’s because of our recent trip. It’s tough to see. And tough to know how to handle.

I’ve been working on self-care. I have a lot of guilt around not getting things done because I’m sleeping in or floating in the pool as means of self-care. All the needs are being met. Every critical thing is managed. Our world isn’t going to fall apart if I take a few hours for myself to rest. All the same, I feel like I should be going, doing, achieving, managing all the time. It’s a tough balance.

We’re well. Mom’s confused as can be. Her short term memory is seconds long. Her long term memory rears its head so infrequently that I’m shocked she remembers anything at all from her past. She did quip today, though, “One thing about having no memory is that you can’t worry about things.” So true. Also, you can obsess about things. But that’s a topic for another post.

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