I have lost my patience

Good god this woman is worse than a fucking teenager.

It started this morning. I got her up so we could go to the pool for an exercise class in the water. “I’m achy. I don’t feel good.”

I tried to convince her to go, but then quickly gave up. I’m not going to force her. If she doesn’t want to go, fine. “Get back in bed. I’m going, I’ll be back after.”

“No, wait. Let me see what I can do. Where’s my swim suit?”

“Hanging from your bed.”

“Where? I don’t see it.”

My grandfather had a saying: If it was snake it would have bit you. I throw that at her all the time because she does this all the time. Where’s the remote? Six inches from you hand. Where’s the tissue box? On the table next to you. Where’s my glasses? I can’t find my glasses! On your face. If they were snakes they would’ve bit her. I showed her where her swim suit was.

We have a pool in our backyard. It’s small. Fifteen feet across, about three foot deep. I set it up and take it down every year. It’s not in the least bit permanent. It’s tall enough though that she can’t just swing her leg over the side to get in. She gets up on the step stool she uses to get in and out of her bed. We get her leg over the side and she steps down onto a stool I’ve put inside the pool. We get her other leg over the side. She steps down off the step stool onto the floor of the pool. It’s a bit of a process but by the end of summer last year she was an old pro. We’ve only done it once this year but she had far less trouble than usual on her first attempts of the season.

All the same, I’d like to get a better system. A set of steps, or some kind of platform. I found a step online that has a bar to hang onto. It’s about 3/4 or an inch higher than the step stool she uses to get in and out of bed. No big deal. And it has a handle to hang onto unlike the one next to her bed.

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t hang onto a bar and step up onto a stool that is barely taller than the one she uses every single day.

I lost it. I yelled. HANG ONTO THE HANDLE. Then I threw a hissy fit and told her I was putting her mattress and box spring on the floor since she couldn’t use her step stool anymore. If she couldn’t step onto a step barely taller than the one she uses every single day then she can have her bed frame anymore. That was her punishment. I actually said that. I was mad. She was being a baby and I was sick of it.

I’m in my room getting some alone time. She wants to try the new step stool again but I told her I don’t have the patience for it right now. I didn’t move her mattress and box spring onto the floor. I didn’t really want to do that, I was just mad. I wanted her to suffer for being such a baby. I was sure suffering! I don’t get enough alone time. We’re together all the time. All the time. I think that’s the problem; I can’t leave the house without her. I go to all her appointments. She goes on every shopping trip. She talks non-stop. The trees sure are all out. I guess they should be, it’s the end of May. Look at all the traffic. There sure are a lot of cars in that parking lot. Why are there so many cars? Don’t people work? I guess they’re all going to work. Or maybe coming home from work. Look at all the trees. They’re all out now, aren’t they? I guess it’s the end of spring. Look at the traffic. What’s the temperature? Why is there so much traffic? I guess people are coming home work. Or maybe they’re going to work. There’s a school bus. Is this a school day? Look at the trees. Aren’t they pretty? They have all their leaves now. Look at all the cars in that parking lot. There sure are a lot of cars. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. In the back of my mind I know that I’m going to miss that when she’s gone. I’m going to be saying to myself, there sure is a lot of traffic, look at the trees, aren’t they pretty? I saw a movie once where a man’s wife named all the stores they passed as they were driving. Drove him crazy. Until she divorced him. Then he did it. That’ll be me. But right now I want to scream. And I want silence. I wish she would just fucking shut up. I wish I were alone.

It’s time for her medicine. Gotta go. Maybe tonight she’ll go to bed early. Wouldn’t that be nice?

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