September 14, 2020

Mom has been much more confused this week than she ever has been in the past. I asked her if she thought so and she denied it. I don’t know if that means she doesn’t remember if she’s been confused in the past, if she has been just as confused but has hidden it, or if she didn’t want to admit to anything. Hard to say, since sometimes she can be quite lucid and almost like her old self.
Tonight she adopted a very serious tone and said, “I’m confused, and I can’t figure things out.” So I asked her what I could do to help.
She wanted to know who arranged to have our family come visit last weekend. I explained it all, how it all came about, which was pretty organic (ie: “we’re coming!” “we’re coming, too!” “okay, then make him come, too.”) and that’s when she told me that she was certain there was an older family member who had arranged it all.
I don’t know who she was thinking of and I didn’t want to ask any leading questions, so all I could get out of her was that she thought a family member about her age had made all the arrangements for our family to visit last weekend. She didn’t know who the family member was, and when I listed off every last family member we have (and there aren’t many) she could only conclude that she had it wrong in her head. According to her she’d been worried about it all day.
I don’t really think of these sorts of incidents as hallucinations. She doesn’t claim to see or hear anyone; she’s just confused about who is who. But I do wonder if she’s getting worse, if hallucinations are around the corner.
It’s times like these that I have infinite patience for her questions. It’s when I have to constantly come up with things with which to entertain her that wear me down. I’m for sure going to come up with a routine packed full of activities to keep her occupied because her constant asking me, “what’s next?”, is driving me insane.

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