June 30, 2020

There’s no change. For her, anyway. I’m the problem.
I don’t have an infinite reservoir of patience. I don’t handle things well sometimes. I don’t always say the right thing.
Like this morning. I told mom I was going to to water the plants/flowers. Mom offered to help. She’s right– watering is something she can do. I told her I would water the plants on the patio and out front and she could water the flowers on the deck. She complained that I was doing more than her and she could handle more of the watering chore than I was giving her. I explained about how watering out front meant carrying a heavy bucket of water, and that watering on the patio meant walking on uneven grass and carrying heavy buckets of water, but that she could use the garden hose to water on the deck– a flat and even surface to walk on (thus, safer for her), and in terms of the number of plants, the chore was about equal (it’s not, but the difference isn’t that great).
So I get done with my explanation of terrains, watering techniques, the reasons behind the division of labor the way it was and she comes at me with, “You have more of the work. I can help out more. Why can’t I do the plants out front and on the patio?”
I gave up. “I’m not explaining this again. I can’t help it if you don’t listen to me.” And I left the room.
Not good.
I legitimately have no idea if she doesn’t listen to me or if she doesn’t remember what I just said. Maybe she’s being her passive-aggressive self and pretending to not understand or remember. Whatever it is, I’ve lost all patience. I am tired of explaining the same things over and over again. I’m tired of her not understanding my instructions. I’m tired of trying to think up chores for her to do that would be easier and more efficient if I just did them myself. I don’t want a grown up three year old anymore!!!
We’ve kept busy during the twilight hours the last couple of days and her sundowning has been nowhere near as pronounced. She’s regularly taking her medicine at night now that I’ve changed the prompt.
We talked to my nephew and his fiance yesterday and they’re feeling better every day. It sounds like they’ve had really mild cases compared to some, for which mom and I are both grateful. We were all on speaker phone so mom heard everything I did but she didn’t remember much of what was said from the moment we hung up with them. Still, I think it did her some good to talk to them. She was really relieved to hear that they weren’t doing as badly as some with the virus.

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