December 15, 2019

So much.
Friday the 13th we went to our cousin’s choir concert at her church. Mom fell. She’s fine. No injuries.
Today she’s been very confused. She’s said a lot — not just today but over the last several days or a week– that she’s having trouble concentrating, she’s confused, she can’t focus, she’s flighty. She’s unhappy about this, but has maintained the attitude that I’m helping her so it’s okay. Christmas preparations have confused her quite a lot and I’ve had to do a lot of reminding her about where we’re going, what we’re doing, who is getting which gift, when things have to be in the mail. Today she bought me a gift card and then lost it. She spent who knows how much time looking for it. I spent 20 minutes of a break from work before ultimately finding it for her. She mentions a lot how confusing life is… and how she doesn’t like life anymore because it’s so confusing.
She had a UTI a couple of weeks ago. Last week? I don’t remember. She got a prescription and is fine now, I guess.
Today she laid down for a nap. She claims she didn’t sleep but I think she must have dozed a bit. She came out her room confused and wondering where everyone was, and was slightly agitated because she had lost track of “everyone.” She asked, “Who sleeps here besides you and me?” When discussing gifts last week she said, I need to buy gifts for my daughters. I said, “You mean me and my sister?” She laughed it off, but I’ve noticed several times when she seems to have forgotten who I am.
I want to get better at logging in here. I’m so tired sometimes. And busy. And sometimes taking care of her and me and the house and the dog and Christmas and everything else is more than I can handle. I’ve felt an awful lot lately that I need to hide more than I need to do things on my to do list.

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